Shutting down - for now

I think I am going to shut this blog down for a while. With my surgery on hold indefinitely, I just feel like I don't have much to contribute here right now. I have another blog that you can check out if you would like - http://glickgirls.blogspot.com/ - but that one is going private soon so shoot me an email if you would like access.

I am going to continue to read all of your blogs, so I'm not really going anywhere.........

Thanks!

Update

So after 2 Walk In Centers, 2 Emergency Rooms, 2 visits to our Primary Care doc and now 2 visits to the Ear Nose and Throat Specialist all in the last 6 days, I think they FINALLY know what is going on with me and how to treat it.

After all this, they are calling it Swimmer's Ear. That's IT I said? Swimmer's Ear? That sounds......so.......BORING, lol. OK, it's a very severe case of Swimmer's Ear they said..........*sigh*. I really think they need a better name for this. Swimmer's Ear just doesn't seem enough to describe me writhing in pain for 4 days and nights straight, needing narcotic level pain meds every 4 hours via an IV or oral meds, loss of hearing on my right side (hopefully temporary) and even the inability to eat or drink for 5 days because the swelling spread to the rest of my face and I couldn't even chew without pain. Honestly, I have never felt pain like this in my entire life. I would go through child birth 4 times over without drugs rather than go through this again, that's how excruciating it's been. No, I am sorry, SWIMMER'S EAR does not even begin to come close to describing this for me!

Anyway, the long story short is that I am on about 5 different meds right now and I am supposed to go back to the ENT on Thursday afternoon for a follow up. Hopefully at that point the arsenal they are pounding me with right now will help even more, but I think I am finally starting to feel some relief. The fact that I only took 2 pain meds since 6am this morning is progress for me for sure.

Between Larry's stomach issues late last week and all of this, I am starting to feel like I would be happy to never see the inside of a hospital or medical facility again! It's probably going to take me quite a while to recover emotionally as well as psychologically from this whole thing and I would be lying if I didn't say that WLS was definitely rethought about a couple of times in all this!!! Still on the fence on that one..........

Anyway, I hope everyone else is doing well and sorry for being MIA for so long now. Hopefully as I continue to recover I will be able to spend some quality couch time catching up on everyone since I am out of work the rest of the week as it stands right now. You know I MUST be really sick if I didn't touch my computer for 5 days straight by choice! :)

Where do I even begin?

I know I have been quiet lately. Part of it was because I having dealing with the "after effects" of having my surgery put off, with no real answer as to when it will happen. I have experienced a lot of emotions around that and found them hard to put into words and/or talk about.

Then last night, my husband ended up in the hospital Emergency Room and in the 12 hours or so that we were there we heard every theory from constipation to cancer. I am totally freaked now to say the least.

The long story short is this. He was having bad stomach pains. They eventually did a CT scan and saw some inflammation of the pancreas. So then they were trying to figure out what caused the inflammation. Again, we heard everything from constipation to gallstones to a mass/tumor. I love how doctors speculate out loud with people's lives.......especially at 3am........We saw 5 different ER doc's last night and every one of them kept using the words "concerned" when it came to the CT scan. We went from a Resident to the highest level doc in the ER last night and they all seriously FREAKED me the heck out with what they were saying.

Anyway, we went home around 4am and ended up at our Primary Care at 10am this morning. She seemed less alarmed and was leaning towards the fact that he might have passed a gallstone since the pain is about 80% gone now, but they never actually did anything for him. She thinks it's possible that is what caused the inflammation. I started to feel better after we saw her.

Over the next week he is going to have an Ultrasound, MRI, and bloodwork and then we have an appointment a week from today to follow up with her and go over the results of everything.

*sigh* Cautiously optimistic that everything is ok, but the internet is bad thing to have......I have started to read about pancreatic cancer and now I have convinced myself that is what's going on and I am freaking out again. I tend to do that, jump to worst case scenario - but I can't help it.

The REALLY freaky thing is that if my surgery had not been postponed, I would be in the hospital myself right now and he would be alone with the kids and having this go on.......They say everything happens for a reason and I guess it's true...........

So, with all these conflicting emotions right now, I am a basket case to say the least. A day at a time right now and I will keep everyone posted as I hear anything new......

Food Journal

In an effort to continue down the path I have started of eating healthier and continuing to try and take off some weight, I am going to start journaling my daily food intake here. I am hoping to do it every day - we'll see if that actually happens :)

Breakfast

Lean Dessert Fresh Cinnamon Roll protein shake (OMG, this was SO good btw!!!) - 130 calories, 20g protein

Lunch

Unjury Chicken Soup flavored protein (again, I REALLY like this!) - 90 calories, 20g protein

1 Apple - about 100 calories

Snack

Almonds - 100 calories, 4g protein

Cup of tea - o calories

Dinner

Lean Cuisine Pizza - 340 calories, 14g protein

Total Calories consumed: 760
Total Protein consumed: 58

We are Stronger Than We Give Ourselves Credit For

We all have things that keep us from moving forward with our lives, and it takes strength and courage to move through these experiences. The challenges come in different forms, and arrive in our lives at different stages of our personal development. "How do I find my place?" "How do I develop a support system of friends that accept and support me for who I am today?" "How do I balance work and family?" "How do I find time for myself?" "Am I strong enough to run 2 miles?" "Am I strong enough to face what is ahead of me?" Avoiding our challenges is easy, keeping our heads down and continuing on our current paths. Yet, when we do, we keep from moving forward with our lives. We miss out on all of the wonderful things that happen to us on our journey toward our goals. It is often the experiences along the way are often more valuable than our intended endpoint. (from the Beautiful Women Project)

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” Henry Ford

Moving Forward......

Thank you to everyone that responded to my rantings and ravings yesterday. As you can imagine, it was a very tough & emotional day for me.

I spoke to my PC doc last night and basically the long story short is this: Surgery is on hold until we can get my thyroid levels where they need to be. This could honestly take anywhere from 6 week to 6 months if not more depending on how long it takes to find the right dosage of meds for me.

I am moving ahead, doing what I need to do. I have already had another round of bloodwork done and I am picking up my first round of meds today to try. 6 weeks from now I will do new bloodwork and see what the new meds show. If they don't do it, he will need to increase the dosage, and then I will again need to wait 6 weeks to take new bloodwork to check the levels. This will go on as long as it takes to get my TSH under 5. So you see how it could potentially take 6 months or more to get this all figured out.

In the meantime, I have decided to use this time as a continued learning experience. It's AMAZING how much I have learned in getting ready for this surgery as far as healthy eating, the importance of protein, the effect carbs has on us, etc. I have lost 7lbs in the last week just on the pre-op diet alone, and I don't plan to give that up. While I won't continue on only 600 calories a day now, I do plan to continue eating more healthy with smaller portions and see if I can make a difference in my weight "the old fashioned way" while I wait for this to all be straightened out. And who knows? By the time I am ready to reschedule, maybe I will have lost so much weight that I won't need the surgery anymore :) Wishful thinking I know, but I am and will always be a glass 1/2 full kind of gal!

Again, thank you for everyone's support and I hope that I can still be a part of all of you "WLS Bloggers" even with my WLS future so uncertain right now! I love everyone I have met and I would hate to lose you guys as part of my life!!!

So I talked to my PC doc tonight.......

Apparently, after my surgeon got off the phone with me, she called my primary care doctor to tell him what she had found. Afterwards, he called me "to discuss".

The bottom line is this: my TSH (thyroid) is supposed to be somewhere between 0.5 and 5. Right now, mine is 22. This is apparently considered very high. OK, fine. But I've been under the care of my PC doc for months now for my thyroid and I was never told this before. He always told me that my numbers were "a little off" and it could "possibly affect weight loss" so we might as well treat it and get to where it should be, but basically, no big deal. Nothing he ever told me prepared me for the urgency that my surgeon felt in the situation. Obviously my first question to the Dr. was "how could we have not caught this before?"(and yes, by WE, I did mean HE, but I was trying to be nice). He said he never caught it because it was never an issue. Strangely enough, after my surgeon called, he went back to look at my old labs and my TSH number was never off. This reading is the first time it's happened. VERY STRANGE if you ask me.

Anyway, he agreed with the surgeon's assessment that surgery needs to be put off until this is under control. He said it would have been irresponsible of her to do the surgery knowing this and she did the absolute right thing in putting the brakes on things. And I get this, I really do. It's just SO disappointing.........I was looking forward to so many things: the surgery, losing the weight, having 5 weeks off of work, showing up at my cousin's wedding in 6 months looking skinny and hot :) It's just that it's all different now........My PC had me redo my bloodwork tonight after work, and assuming it's the same as what the surgeon had, he will increase my meds and we will have to wait 6 weeks before testing my levels again. Chances are slim that one dosage increase will do it though, and it's pretty likely that they levels will have to be adjusted a few times before we find the right one, having to wait 6 weeks in between each dosage change to retest. So realistically, 6 weeks is the absolute minimum I will have to wait to get on the surgery schedule again, and it's probably more like 12-18 weeks. *sigh*

And here's the other thing.......When I started this process, I was on the low end of who is a candidate for surgery. My weight was within 5-10lbs of me not qualifying at all. I moved ahead, basically ate what I wanted for a while knowing that for the first time in my life, I actually needed to try NOT to lose weight. I went to the initial visit with the surgeon, weighed in, and did qualify, barely. But because I have Sleep Apnea, the insurance approved me and we moved forward.

Now I have been on the liquid diet for a week, expecting to be in surgery next week. In this last week, I have lost 7 lbs. With surgery being put of anywhere from 2 - 6 months, I have a choice to make. Do I blow all the work I have done up until now and start eating unhealthy again? Or do I continue on the "right" path and make all the choices I have been making up until now to have lost 7lbs in one week? And if I do continue that, and I keep losing, do I even pursue surgery anymore since if I lose much more, I won't even be eligible anymore??????

See, it's never cut and dry or an easy answer........

My husband thinks I should just continue on the protein shakes and small meals and try in this timeframe of the delay to lose it "naturally" one more time. Part of me agrees with him, but part of me is unsure. I don't want to go back to the way I was eating before. I feel better in these last couple of weeks than I have in a long time. Part of me is saying just live "as if" you HAVE had the surgery. Eat small meals, low carb, no sugar, etc. and live the life that you would have to after surgery anyway. I'm bound to lose that way....right? But then what if? What if I can't do it? What if I fail - AGAIN - and I do something like lose 20lbs and get stalled and then I have lost too much weight to have the surgery anymore, but not enough to be happy with where I am - then what???

OMG, this is all just way too much for me to figure out.

Girls? Advice?????????